Once upon a time, I really did receive eight cents from ASCAP. It’s come up in recent radio interviews, and I dug through the memory banks (and my desk) for the straight story. (If you’re curious, this is how airplay royalties theoretically work.)

Normally royalties are part of the conversation that starts with “How much do you make from getting your music played on Spotify?” My answer is always “How many places to the right of the 0.0 on the decimal point can you go?”
This happened so long ago – December 2008 – that I’d forgotten the actual details. Here’s the real story: I received a receipt for eight cents from ASCAP. Not a live check. It was for the year, and was specifically for radio play for my SUV-bashing song, “Good God Man How Big a Car Do You Need?” off my first record. For airplay in Jamaica. Go figure.

So it was an IOU for eight cents. And though I appreciated the notification, I still find it ironic that eight years later, the stamp to mail the statement cost four times what the actual amount on the report was.

If you’re wondering, of course there’s a song in the works about this. With any luck, it’ll get a bit of airplay, and I’ll be another eight cents further towards early retirement.