{"id":84,"date":"2006-05-02T17:06:09","date_gmt":"2006-05-02T22:06:09","guid":{"rendered":""},"modified":"2006-05-02T17:06:09","modified_gmt":"2006-05-02T22:06:09","slug":"okay_so_i_drove_a_hummer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.michaelgaither.com\/home\/okay_so_i_drove_a_hummer\/","title":{"rendered":"The Hummer. Good God, Man."},"content":{"rendered":"

I’ve come to the conclusion that there are things I’m just meant never to understand. Big cars, for example. <\/p>\n

No, not “big cars” like a ’69 Super Sport Camaro. That’s a big car with style. I’m referring to big SUVs. I still remember ten years ago when the most obnoxious vehicle on the road was a Road Ranger. Seen one lately? In comparison with everything else on the highways, the Road Ranger looks like a Honda Civic. <\/p>\n

You’re either with me or against me on this one. It’s a pretty black and white issue. You might think a big SUV is safe and secure and to heck with the gas mileage. <\/p>\n

\"\"
\n(Cartoon by Steve Sack<\/a>.)<\/center><\/p>\n

Or else, you think they tip easy (cause you read the auto reports) and if you’re in a small car and get hit by one, well, you’re dead meat. As George of the Jungle once said, “some kinda safe”.<\/p>\n

Regardless of which camp you’re in, I ask you: Why would anyone drive a Hummer? I think there’s room for six small people in those things, though I’ve never see more than one person driving in them. <\/p>\n

(Another mystery of the universe I’m meant to never understand, but I’ve come to peace with it.)<\/p>\n

Ranting about SUVs is too easy, so let’s get to the song: A few years back, I was waiting in line for a funeral procession. At a bank across the street, I saw a woman in a Hummer trying to back her car into a parking space. Note: In her defense, she DID have two children in the car, so I know three of the six Hummer seats do actually work. <\/p>\n

The parking experiment took her about 11 tries. She still managed to straddle three parking slots. (It could have just as well have been a man driving. Neither sex seems able to drive or park these things.)<\/p>\n

You wait for moments like these. A song title dropped into my lap: Good God Man How Big a Car Do You Need?<\/a><\/p>\n

There wasn’t much need to say anything besides the title, but that would have made a short song. So I went ahead and wrote lyrics. I considered making this the title song and putting it on the cover, but a spotted mule<\/a> is a prettier beast.<\/p>\n

Home<\/a><\/b><\/center><\/p>\n